NEWS : Now Entertainment With Special-effects

“The characters in this blog are fictitious and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.”

Aliens do not drink cow’s milk but they use it to prepare tea and coffee when they are tired. After traveling from such a long distance to Earth anyone would feel tired. Let’s talk to Hrithik Roshan to ask Jadoo to recommend them a Georgia coffee machine so that our cows are safer.

Please dial MTNL toll free number 1504 to suggest him some ideas to elude cold. I called on this number and told him that it is just because of your height, i suggested him to not to stand tall as air on higher altitude is rare and temperature in substantially low.

Correspondent: Ab aap chhajje se kood chuki hain, aap ko kaisa mehsoos ho raha hai?
Billi: In sawalo ki hata aur pehle ye bata ki dhakka kisne maara tha?
Correspondent: Aap 6 ghante se waha fasi rahi aapko darr nahi laga?
Billi: Ye mere roj ka kaam hai jiska tum logo ne tamasha bana diya.
Correspondent: Kya aap janti hain poora desh aapko Billo Rani bula raha hai?
Billi: Lagta hai ab Bipasha ke pet pe laat padne wali hai ….
Correspondent: Ye thi hamari apni Billo Rani jo 6ghante tak chhajje me fase rehne ke baad kood padee…. 26 January ko inhe bahaduri medal se sammanit kiya jayega. Cameraman Vinod ke sath mai Deepak Rangrasia, Akaal Tak.

Abhi abhi hamare vishwasneeya sutron se pata chala hai ki Commissioner sahab bhi  kutte ke sath lapata ho gaye hain. Unki wife ko abhi abhi Shashtri Nagar police station me jate huye dekha gaya hai:

Wife: I lost my Husband
Inspector: What is his height
Wife: I never noticed
Inspector: Slim or healthy
Wife: Not slim can be healthy
Inspector: Color of eyes
Wife: Never noticed
Inspector: Color of hair
Wife: Changes according to season
Inspector: What was he wearing
Wife: suit/casuals I don’t remember exactly
Inspector: Was somebody with him?
Wife: I think my Labrador dog, Calvin, tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non veg food, we eat together, we jog together…. And the Wife started crying…..
Inspector: Let’s search for the dog first!!!!!!!

Himesh is scared now. He has started wearing Burkha so that aliens do not see him. Aliens now singing: jhalak dikhlaja - jhalak dikhlaja, ek baar aaja aaja aaja aaja aaaajaaa

Correspondent: You named your dogs ‘James’ and ‘Bond’ and you call yourself ‘Marathi hridaysamrat’.
Khaj Thakrey: Tula maiti kaye….?  Maajhe kutreya che nav ‘Bondhisatva’ aani ‘Jamitra’ aahe. (What do you know? My dogs’ names are ‘Bondhisatva’ and ‘Jamitra’).
Correspondent: Aapne apne kutto ko marathi naam diye hain… kya ye marathi manooooooooooooos ka apmaan nahi hai?
Khaj Thakrey: Me tula phodun takel, me tula kapun takel….. ki paaije tula…. (I will crush you….. I will cut you….. What do you want?)
JAI MARATHI MANOOOOOOOOS……… JAI MAHARASHTRA…..
Correspondent (Running): Aur ye the Khaj Thakrey jinhone apne kutto ka naam Marathi me rakha hai aur unhe angreji me bulate hain…… Bhagte huye Cameraman Sharad Talwar ke sath mai Rajeev Thukla bhagunga Ghar Tak.

Correspondent: Takhi ji kya wajah thi jo aapne Abhishek ko thappad laga diya?
Takhi: Sir, kya batau sir, hum dono Lonavala gaye the sir ghoomne ke liye sir aur usme mujhe waha ek Kiss kar diya sir.
Correspondent: Ek kiss ki itni badi saja?
Takhi: Nahi sir maine use bola ki aur kiss karo sir to usne mana kar diya sir isliye mai use thappad laga ke MIKA ke paas aa gayee sir.
Correspondent: Aur ye thi meri, aapki aur poore desh ki NAARI Takhi Swayamwant, jo Abhishek ko Thappad laga ke MIKA ke paas aa gayee hain ( Nahi Nahi Abhishek Bachpan nahi Abhishek Jabarjasti). Ab dekhne wali baat ye hogi ki agar MIKA inke dance partner rahenge to Stage ka kya hoga?…. Cameraman Elesh Purujanwala ke sath mai Bhajat Karma, Aakhir Kab Tak.

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Is this how NEWS should be?
There are several incidences daily which remain uncovered because media people are too busy creating NEWS. I understand that if there is no NEWS then what do they do? Where do they arrange funds from to sustain? But, compromising on the quality of the NEWS just for TRP raises a question in my mind: A cop lying in front of a camera with one of his legs completely detached from his body, seeking for help and the journalist is not ready to help him because the person behind the camera is a journalist first. If they are choosing professionalism over humanity then after being a professional journalist why do they choose entertainment over real NEWS?

This is what you would like to see?
I would rather go and watch Doordarshan at 8.30 to 9.30pm than watching this crap.

Is there anything that can be done?
End of the day it is all about TRP. If we all stop giving importance to this kind of stuff i believe they will move to some real NEWS.

I know and i agree that i know very little about journalism but i surely know that “these channels are not BREAKING NEWS they are MAKING NEWS, i am not sure if they are also FAKING NEWS”.

Dear Vanadium,

When I first saw you in the nuclear power station my Heart was oxidized by the cathode of your face. The alpha rays of your eyes were deflected by the nucleus of my eyes towards my Heart. Love of my Heart was attracted towards you to form 1-hearto 2-eyeso-Lovate and the electrons of my eyes started rotating very fast.

When i approached you with a catalyst you acted like a moderator and slowed down the speed of my Heart beat. Beaker of my eyes was filled with tears when this reaction occurred.

Tell me, why the burner of your eyes broke the test tube of my Heart?

Even now my Heart is saturated with your love and will remain saturated forever.

I hope you can understand the organic situation of my Heart.

Waiting for the reaction.

Yours,
Uranium (|_|)

I think this is the right time to take Swine Flu seriously and fight it hard before it conquers our world. According to the authorities, one third of the population will be infected with Swine Flu Virus in next 2 years. All of us must have got dozens of mails regarding Swine Flu but many of us might not have taken it seriously. Remember, if we get infected with this virus then we will be like an Atom Bomb for the people near by us. Let’s make sure that we follow the points listed below to ensure that we are safe, healthy, happy and delightful:

1. Wash your hands frequently: Use the antibacterial soaps to cleanse your hands. Wash them often, at least 15 seconds and rinse with running water.
2. Get enough sleep:Try to get 8 hours of good sleep every night to keep your immune system in top flu-fighting shape.
3. Keep hydrated: Drink 8 to10 glasses of water each day to flush toxins from your system and maintain good moisture and mucous production in your sinuses.
4. Boost your immune system: Keeping your body strong, nourished, and ready to fight infection is important in flu prevention. So stick with whole grains, colorful vegetables, and vitamin-rich fruits.
5. Keep informed: The government is taking necessary steps to prevent the pandemic and periodically release guidelines to keep the pandemic away. Please make sure to keep up to date on the information and act in a calm manner.
6. Avoid alcohol: Apart from being a mood depressant, alcohol is an immune suppressant that can actually decrease your resistance to viral infections like swine flu. So stay away from alcoholic drinks so that your immune system may be strong.
7. Be physically active: Moderate exercise can support the immune system by increasing circulation and oxygenating the body. For example brisk walking for 30-40 minutes 3-4 times a week will significantly perk up your immunity.
8. Keep away from sick people: Flu virus spreads when particles dispersed into the air through a cough or sneeze reachs someone else’s nose. So if you have to be around someone who is sick, try to stay a few feet away from them and especially, avoid physical contact.
9. Know when to get help: Consult your doctor if you have a cough and fever and follow their instructions, including taking medicine as prescribed.
10. Avoid crowded areas: Try to avoid unnecessary trips outside. Moreover, avoid touching your eyes, nose or mouth. Germs spread this way.
11. Eat Herbs: Eat clove, tulsi leaves, raw garlic flake daily.

We all want a Healthy World.

480BC in the narrow Thermopylae pass in the northern Greece 7 thousand of Greek soldiers waits to face the largest force ever assembled, over 300,000 soldiers of the Persian Empire. Greeks were led by the 300 deadliest fighters The Spartans, their job was to hold that pass or die trying. In the Thermopylae pass, few stood against many for freedom and made their last stand.

Xerxes led the largest fighting force ever assembled, some of the historians still believe that their number was over 3 million. The Persian Empire was very big its border extends from the Indus River in India to Nile River in the Egypt. Xerxes invested lot of money and 5 years to assemble that army, built ships and buy food for invading Greece, his intention was to burn the Greek city Athens to punish them for supporting a rebellion against Persia 25 years ago. Xerxes sends a man to find out what lies in the way. The man discovers 7000 Greek soldiers blocking the east of the pass. The Persians out numbred the Greeks nearly 50 to one. In a strategic move the Greeks have chosen the Thermopylae pass as the battle place which is a narrow pass of around 200 yards in width. Leading the Greek army is the great Spartan king Leonidas one of the 2 kings of Sparta who was chosen to lead the army by all the Greek city states to go and hold the Thermopylae pass.

Xerxes waited for around 4 days to attacks and finally attacks on fifth day. About 150 yards away from the Greek army, thousands of Persian archers launch a barrage of arrows. Leonidas and Spartans waited all their life for this moment as they were born for battle.

Around 530BC 50 years before the battle of Thermopylae Spartan king Leonidas was born and inspected by a Spartan elder. Sparta at that time was a hard core warrior society. After birth every child was examined and was decided if he is fit to live in the society, if the baby has any imperfection, they didnt allow him to live. At the age of 7 every male child including leonidas is sent to the army camps for training. Leonidas was a strong baby and was spared by the Elders to live and was sent for the army training where young Leonidas will live, train and learn to kill or be killed, for the next 12 years. At the age of 18 his education completed and he enters the Spartan army.

This is the time for every Spartan mother to feel proud of, while handling his son the shield she would tell them in Greek Come with the shield or on it.

581BC one year before the battle of Thermopylae a Greek spy discovers that the Persian king Xerxes has assembled his army to invade Greece. The Xerxes plan was to burn the Greek city state Athens to the ground. When the Athenians discovered the intention of the Xerxes they quickly realized that they are going to need help. Despite their poor relations the Athenians reach their one of the major regional rival Spartans for help. Before deciding whether to help the Athenians the Spartans consult the Oracle (one of the most sacred Greek shrines). According to them the death & sacrifice of Leonidas will save the Sparta and Leonidas agreed to help the Athenians to battle the Persians as he believed that he is the descendant of Heracles and Gods have chosen him to save Sparta. The counsel of Sparta isn’t convinced and allows Leonidas to take a minimal force of 300(all with father and son) chosen by him.

Before the battle of Thermopylae, Xerxes sent a messenger to negotiate with the king Leonidas.
Messenger: Don’t be stupid Spartans, lay down your weapons or prepare to die, you are facing the largest and the strongest army ever assembled, our arrows will blot out the sun.
One of the Spartan: Then we shall have our battle in the shade.

The Spartans used their shields to avoid the barrage of Persian arrows.

Stuck in the narrow pass the Persians could not break the human walls(phalanx) of the Spartans and were slaughtered.

Sooner the Persians began to realize that it was not the best of the idea to launch themselves on the Spartans waves after waves.

End of the day the Spartans killed many and lost few which gave them a hope of Victory, on the other side Persians were trying to find a way to surround the Greeks land force from behind.
Next morning Spartans and the Athenians took their respective positions prepared for the second Persian attack. In the noon Xerxes decided to march 10,000 of his best fighters (also known as the immortals) to the front.

Xerxes believed that the immortals will end the action, but the Spartan phalanx were so rock steady that even the immortals were not able to break it and were killed. One of the main reasons of failure of the immortals was that they had never faced such a highly skilled, trained and tactically flexible fighters like Spartans.

After 2 days the Persian body count was enormous.

After the second day of battle a Greek traitor named Ephialtis revealed the goat path to Xerxes in order to get rich quickly. Seeing that he can’t penetrate the Greek defense, he decided to use the path and ordered 10,000 of his soldiers to march and climb up the hill in the dark to surround the Greeks from behind. But this path was not unknown to Leonidas. Before the first day of the attack Leonidas had stationed 1000 people(Phoceans) in the pass. But when the Persian approached the Phocean land, the defending force was missing. Now the Persians have a unhindered path. By this time the Leonidas was doomed from above and behind. In the mid of the night Leonidas knew that the Phoceans have deserted the path.

Knowing that he has been out flanked, he decided to order his army to retreat, leaving only around 300 Spartans.

By the dawn all of the Greek troop retreated except Spartans and around 700 soldiers from Greek city state of Thespia as they decided to fight with the Spartans to the death(very few know about this). Now Leonidas and his 1000 men were surrounded by the 10s of thousands of Persians. Cleaned and prepared for the battle the Spartan took the field for the one last time. Third day fight began and the Spartans & Thespians fought like mad, they had nothing to lose as they were destined to death. After some time all the Spears & Swords of the Greeks were broken and they were fighting with whatever they could.

Somewhere in between the fight Leonidas was struck with the Persian arrow fire and fell on the third day.

There was a great battle over the body of the Leonidas, finally the Greeks recovered the body. At last the Persians called their archers for the one last time.

The last stand of the few hundred men will always be remembered.

Ē tan ē epi tas