Monday, May 10th, 2010 | Author:

NEWS : Now Entertainment With Special-effects

“The characters in this blog are fictitious and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.”

Aliens do not drink cow’s milk but they use it to prepare tea and coffee when they are tired. After traveling from such a long distance to Earth anyone would feel tired. Let’s talk to Hrithik Roshan to ask Jadoo to recommend them a Georgia coffee machine so that our cows are safer.

Please dial MTNL toll free number 1504 to suggest him some ideas to elude cold. I called on this number and told him that it is just because of your height, i suggested him to not to stand tall as air on higher altitude is rare and temperature in substantially low.

Correspondent: Ab aap chhajje se kood chuki hain, aap ko kaisa mehsoos ho raha hai?
Billi: In sawalo ki hata aur pehle ye bata ki dhakka kisne maara tha?
Correspondent: Aap 6 ghante se waha fasi rahi aapko darr nahi laga?
Billi: Ye mere roj ka kaam hai jiska tum logo ne tamasha bana diya.
Correspondent: Kya aap janti hain poora desh aapko Billo Rani bula raha hai?
Billi: Lagta hai ab Bipasha ke pet pe laat padne wali hai 😉 ….
Correspondent: Ye thi hamari apni Billo Rani jo 6ghante tak chhajje me fase rehne ke baad kood padee…. 26 January ko inhe bahaduri medal se sammanit kiya jayega. Cameraman Vinod ke sath mai Deepak Rangrasia, Akaal Tak.

Abhi abhi hamare vishwasneeya sutron se pata chala hai ki Commissioner sahab bhi  kutte ke sath lapata ho gaye hain. Unki wife ko abhi abhi Shashtri Nagar police station me jate huye dekha gaya hai:

Wife: I lost my Husband
Inspector: What is his height
Wife: I never noticed
Inspector: Slim or healthy
Wife: Not slim can be healthy
Inspector: Color of eyes
Wife: Never noticed
Inspector: Color of hair
Wife: Changes according to season
Inspector: What was he wearing
Wife: suit/casuals I don’t remember exactly
Inspector: Was somebody with him?
Wife: I think my Labrador dog, Calvin, tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non veg food, we eat together, we jog together…. And the Wife started crying…..
Inspector: Let’s search for the dog first!!!!!!!

Himesh is scared now. He has started wearing Burkha so that aliens do not see him. Aliens now singing: jhalak dikhlaja – jhalak dikhlaja, ek baar aaja aaja aaja aaja aaaajaaa

Correspondent: You named your dogs ‘James’ and ‘Bond’ and you call yourself ‘Marathi hridaysamrat’.
Khaj Thakrey: Tula maiti kaye….?  Maajhe kutreya che nav ‘Bondhisatva’ aani ‘Jamitra’ aahe. (What do you know? My dogs’ names are ‘Bondhisatva’ and ‘Jamitra’).
Correspondent: Aapne apne kutto ko marathi naam diye hain… kya ye marathi manooooooooooooos ka apmaan nahi hai?
Khaj Thakrey: Me tula phodun takel, me tula kapun takel….. ki paaije tula…. (I will crush you….. I will cut you….. What do you want?)
JAI MARATHI MANOOOOOOOOS……… JAI MAHARASHTRA…..
Correspondent (Running): Aur ye the Khaj Thakrey jinhone apne kutto ka naam Marathi me rakha hai aur unhe angreji me bulate hain…… Bhagte huye Cameraman Sharad Talwar ke sath mai Rajeev Thukla bhagunga Ghar Tak.

Correspondent: Takhi ji kya wajah thi jo aapne Abhishek ko thappad laga diya?
Takhi: Sir, kya batau sir, hum dono Lonavala gaye the sir ghoomne ke liye sir aur usme mujhe waha ek Kiss kar diya sir.
Correspondent: Ek kiss ki itni badi saja?
Takhi: Nahi sir maine use bola ki aur kiss karo sir to usne mana kar diya sir isliye mai use thappad laga ke MIKA ke paas aa gayee sir.
Correspondent:
Aur ye thi meri, aapki aur poore desh ki NAARI Takhi Swayamwant, jo Abhishek ko Thappad laga ke MIKA ke paas aa gayee hain ( Nahi Nahi Abhishek Bachpan nahi Abhishek Jabarjasti). Ab dekhne wali baat ye hogi ki agar MIKA inke dance partner rahenge to Stage ka kya hoga?…. Cameraman Elesh Purujanwala ke sath mai Bhajat Karma, Aakhir Kab Tak.

————————————————————————————-

Is this how NEWS should be?
There are several incidences daily which remain uncovered because media people are too busy creating NEWS. I understand that if there is no NEWS then what do they do? Where do they arrange funds from to sustain? But, compromising on the quality of the NEWS just for TRP raises a question in my mind: A cop lying in front of a camera with one of his legs completely detached from his body, seeking for help and the journalist is not ready to help him because the person behind the camera is a journalist first. If they are choosing professionalism over humanity then after being a professional journalist why do they choose entertainment over real NEWS?

This is what you would like to see?
I would rather go and watch Doordarshan at 8.30 to 9.30pm than watching this crap.

Is there anything that can be done?
End of the day it is all about TRP. If we all stop giving importance to this kind of stuff i believe they will move to some real NEWS.

I know and i agree that i know very little about journalism but i surely know that “these channels are not BREAKING NEWS they are MAKING NEWS, i am not sure if they are also FAKING NEWS”.

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42 Responses

  1. 1
    Bhupendra 

    Nice one……. Jago nagrik jago…

  2. 2
    Chandradeep Singh Panwar 

    Good one vikram sir… U always good…..

  3. 3
    Preeti 

    Excellent and entertaining way to waste time.

  4. 4
    Amit Kandpal 

    nice and very true….

  5. 5
    Shobha 

    Eye opening truth……., ab to jaago nagrik…

  6. 6
    Ankita 

    very gud post.and we should find the solution of this FAKING NEWS issue.

  7. 7
    Maheswaran Gnanaprakasam 

    Hey Vikram,

    Its good to see such blogs in Veranda. Nice post man. I think you are fit for a reality show. You will give tough time for Rakhi Sawant.

    Regards,

    Mahesh

  8. 8
    Ritu 

    Very well written. Its totally Vikram style.

    The electronic media today is really in bad condition. They are busy in capturing TV serials rather than real issues. Its only DD news where you can see news. You can actually watch the recap of serials on news channel if you miss your favorite show 🙂

    What I think is that this 24×7 news concept has spoiled the content on news channels. Due to this only News channels became News & Entertainment channels.

    regards,
    Ritu

  9. 9
    Vandana Singh 

    Nice way to give intresting updates 🙂 , thats why Vikram sir is different.

  10. 10
    Saurav 

    Please..can we all sign a petition requesting the aliens to take away Himesh forever?

  11. 11
    ronisha 

    Too good Vikky

  12. 12
    matthu 

    thank you guys…. 😀

  13. 13
    Samant Singh 

    Dude! Thats awesome…!! Hats off to you.

  14. 14
    anil 

    media is became worst thats why they giving this bulshit news.

    I admire you vikram ki tune hume sach say wakif karaya
    ki tu itna hoshiyaar ho gaya hai.

  15. 15
    Shailesh 

    aj ke jamane me aisi news dekh kar time mat bigado .. go for Doorshan……, this is the only solution…..:) :)…. gud one vikram…

  16. 16
    Dipali 

    Very Nice & True one……….

  17. 17
    Romila Sundaresan 

    Maan gaye ustaad. I don’ t think people have realised the true brilliance of this post. Using humour to say something serious is the best way to catch the attention of the people. The post was so funny that it really hooked me to read it till the end. Then I realised that I found it funny because it is true – all news channels are only looking for “sansanikhez” news – to the extent of sounding idiotic – like billi chhat par hai, ab chhat se kud gayi – aur kya karegi – billi hai, chidiya hoti toh kehte chhat se udd gayi. Such idiots.

    The media has real power to influence public opinion, reach out to the masses and spread awareness about things that are important to the people and bring in positive change. But television based media only focus on TRPs and AB baby ki chheek bhi TRP deti hai toh woh bechare kya karenge.

    Brilliant post. Brilliant message. Jaago India Jaago…

  18. 18
    Rakhi Sinha 

    Good piece!

  19. 19
    mayur 

    well compiled vikram,i really like the way u present it.

  20. 20
    Shashi 

    Nice one…Thought provoking
    i Read all the comments too..i think everyone was in sombre mood for a lil..after reading the text…
    New definition of NEWS, is most appealing of all…But have we thought who is giving a boost to all such news.!!!11

    ONLY WE…Viewers..who buy all this Nonsense…
    I have so many thoughts boggling my mind..but i will stop here..else my comment will go beyod the length of a nicely knitted post..Bravo to the writter..keep it up

  21. 21
    Palash Das 

    majaa aagaya Vikram!

  22. 22
    Ashish Nautiyal 

    Hilarius……..good comical collection….can’t stop laughing…Indian electronic media esp News channels are becoming too downmarketed. and those Tarot card readers and Babas are utter pathetic.

    Good work Vikram 🙂

  23. 23
    Ashish Nautiyal 

    I would love to see if u can post something on the so called spirituality. Like Ceiling Fan ke Regulator par Sai Baba ki aakriti dikhi…….50 Rs ke note me and all. They aint even sparing god for raising their TRP.

  24. 24
    Animesh Sharma 

    Good One Vikram 🙂

  25. 25
    vivek 

    Good hai yaar very good hai!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  26. 26
    Yogesh Parihar 

    Good one vikram

    I really appreciate your dimaag ki upaj.

    Kya ye san-sani-khez khulaase yu hi chalte rahege. Will be ever know the truth.

  27. 27
    Ashish 

    Quiet entertaining.

  28. 28
    Ashish Saxena 

    Good one dude…. isko kisi news channel pe dikha de 😉

  29. 29
    Pritesh Pandey 

    It’s truly eye opening… reminding not to waste time on these things.
    Very good vikram, I really appreciate it.

  30. 30
    Lalit Ch. Pant 

    Breaking News….No….Its a Entertainment dear…Just … Enjoyyyy It…

  31. 31
    jitendra 

    u r absolutely correct.. add more details….. like if u hv missed any TV serial.. no worry we can see that on any news channel with their comments…
    thr must be a controling authority for new channels like TRAI

  32. 32
    saggi 

    Nice collection…

  33. 33
    George Renato Bader 

    Thank you for this, i did read only the English part because i am not to much familiar with Hindi. I congratulate you for your observations. what is happening in India is already a fact in the West since decades. it is the cooperative media, the mass media who dictates what is important to spread.
    Actually the state of the planet is that there is a division of little people who have much and the masses who don’t have. now the people who have are very greedy and are using all their power to suck out the live of the rest of us.
    Fortunately we can choose anytime to stop this destructive behavior and think for ourselves. then we look for places where we get the real news.
    Espavo (Thank you for taking your Power
    Namaste’
    George

  34. 34
    kawal 

    Yaar vikram….aaj kal entertainment channel o sai jada entertainment tho news channel o par hota hai

  35. 35
    Suhail 

    BBC should learn something from these news..

  36. 36
    Deepak 

    Nice Blog. Enjoyed reading it… I feel same about Indian soap opera. I think they should ban all the channels but Sports 🙂

  37. Bar Council India ne yeh allan kiya ki vakalat suru karne ke pahle kanoon ki exam pass karna hoga.

    Iski koi tension nahi KITAB OR NOTES KHOLKER EXAM DENA HAI.

  38. vERY gOOD tHINKING hAI.
    nAKALI cHEHERE pAR sE pARDA hATANA hI mEDIA kA kAM hAI.
    tHANKS.

  39. 39
    Aparna 

    Very nice
    An eye opener for those who are watching these stupid news 24*7 and providing business to the news channels.

    Great job Sir:)

  40. 40
    vicky 

    Should not watch these kind of News. We are the only one who are raising the TRP of such news channels.

  41. 41
    Vinay 

    Mast hai bhai….. lage raho

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